today! i ran today. every second day, ish, is how much i am going to run for the forseeable future, is a thing i decided. i like this plan. and so i ran today --3.5 or 4 miles, not quite sure. i will probably wear a garmin next time, even.
today's run was focused on running slightly faster than was comfortable, noticing that my legs were tired (not so surprising) and trying to shup up the super-judgy voices in my head.
on this last point: jesus, who invited that bitch into my head? somehow i get on a running trail and suddenly i am the world's greatest authority on why everyone else running/biking/walking there is an embarrassment to physical activity: they are running way too slow or too fast, or they don't know what to wear, are those even running shoes, why are they dressed for a completely different climate, who are they trying to impress with that outfit, oh my god that stride is going to give them IT trouble, that other stride will give them cholera, how are they running with that style of headphones, why are you walking now of all places, who the hell gave you that douchey haircut... it is the worst internal monologue ever. and of course at the same time i am smiling and nodding acknowledgment of all the people passing me, and meanwhile Cruella DeJogger is in me snarkkng away...
and the worst thing is that i *know* at the same time that if i am putting in any amount of above-comfort-level effort (which is when this voice really gets its gameface on, uh if voices had faces), i am the ugly-cry equivalent of a runner. i have seen those race pics, people, and i am not a delicate flower when trying to hustle. i look ROUGH. the term "wounded water buffalo" has come to more than one mind. ... this makes the judgey judgment all the worse! they would have every right to be looking back at me thinking "whoa, splotchy hiss-breather, maybe don't make that face in public!" ... and yet, i snark on.
anyway, i ran some and sweat some and snarked some and then laughed at myself for being an idiot. oh, and i swallowed TWO goddamn bugs. karma, presumably. but anyway it was a another run to get me back on track, so i will take it.
Hi AMT, I workout in the gym in my office building 3-4 times a week and I have become extremely judgmental and territorial. There is the girl who always watches herself on the stair climber, the one who walks on the treadmill at -1mph (that's negative one mph) reading her tablet, and the one who takes up the _entire_ matwork area (that can easily fit 4 if everyone would just stick to their zone). Yeah.. that judgy workout lady is in my head too. I doubt me telling you this make it better, but you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteMy inner judge-y bitch comes out in the gym, and is reserved for super-butch men who are straining and grunting and making awful faces with their HORRIBLE LIFTING FORM. But I feel like it's just sort of a deflector dish reversing the polarity of their posturing.
ReplyDelete