to get us up to speed: the last week of June, I went to Newfoundland, and running by the ocean was instead replaced by hiking the amazing-in-all-respects Skerwink Trail (seriously, it's more awesome than its name if you can believe it) and 20 minutes of yoga. it was a busy non-running five days, i tell you.
but! since getting back, all the running is happening. 3 days a week at least. couple days ago i ran 6 9-minute miles despite epic humidity, so that felt good. and then today i decided i would go for a long run: running slow and easy, aiming for like 80-90 minutes.
here are the things that went wrong:
- there's something up with my left hamstring. it's not a crisis, but it's some persistent cranky twingling thing. yes. twingling. and about 20 minutes in, it wasn't hurting, but i was noticing it. that remained constant for the rest of the run, but i think it kind of distracted me from time to time from other things i should have been paying attention to. for instance:
- at around mile 4, i dropped into this woodland bird wilderness reserve thing -- uh, it's a big wooded park. and what i SHOULD have done was just dip in, run a little bit of the perimeter, pop back out and go home. because, you know, i'd already run 4 miles -- why wasn't i starting to turn around? but i think i had it in my head that my hamstring would feel better running on springy dirt (which it did) so once i remembered i was close to it, i ran there without thinking about how far i'd already gone. so, ok -- now it was looking like a 9 mile run, at the longer-ish end of the plan, but i wasn't wearing my garmin and anyway, the forest is lovely... except of course:
- for the mosquitos. it's been raining here a lot. it's mosquito-ey in july at the best of times. upshot: ALL THE MOSQUITOS. so, even if i'm not running in a forest, i mother-effing *anoint* myself with serious DDT-stylez bug spray before i run -- like, i put it on the tops and lobes of my ears; i spray it under my shirt; i'm serious. thus, the forest wasn't a problem -- i mean, if i had stopped running, it would definitely be a problem, but i wasn't going to do that! .... except that that aforementioned rain has turned some of the lovely dirt trails...
- into a bog. and as i kept running in the woods enjoying the path, things got less dry and springy and more muddy and soggy and sloshy and pretty soon i'm tiptoe running through squidgy slop-mud, and using fallen tree trunks to bypass the worst of it, and given my slower speed traversing what is increasingly a malarial swamp, the mosquitos started winning and i was having to blink a lot and shake my ponytail constantly and breath with my nose closed (ok, not a thing, but i definitely swallowed two mosquitos during this Jurassic bit of the night)... and i'm just trying to get through the worst of it because at the end i'm sure there's an exit out and...
- ... do you think i fell in the mud? because i didn't! instead, i rounded a corner and discovered a lagoon of death! and to continue would have required a wetsuit and a snorkle mask. so i said out loud to the empty forest: WELL, FUCK. and i quickly turned around and retraced my slogslosh steps, because i knew the mosquitos were still there, and i just needed to get back through to the dry trail... which i did, phew, and i figured i had about a third of a mile to go before there was an exit back out onto campus, and i was taking my headphones out of my pocket (i don't listen to anything in the forest, so as to hear the birds and the wind and my own swearing) and looking to my left for a break in the fence, and maybe that hamstring was janking up my left leg stride, because next thing i know BAM i'm flying....
- because i tripped on a tree root, fell flying forward and completely laid out. i bounced off both knees and skidded to a stop on my palms. BOOM.
- at first i started talking to myself like you do a toddler who has fallen and isn't sure whether they've died or not: "ok, you're fine, you're fine, nothing broken, you're ok" because i could tell immediately that i *was* fine, nothing was even twisted, i was just a bit of a mess. this time i said out loud: ok, that wasn't very smart -- but i got up, dusted off my headphones, saw that my knees were covered in dirt and one of them probably had some blood seeping through, but you know, i could walk, nothing hurt in the wincing or stabbing way, just some little throbs and aches. and then it occurred to me that the mosquitos would find me again if i didn't run, so i did. out of the woodlot and onto the wide side walks of campus.
- then i took stock of things. and realized: 1) i was at least 4 miles from home, and had already been running an hour. 2) i was wearing these neon coral running pants (bought from a very expensive store on extreme online sale, presumably because most people choose not to wear lycra highlighters on their legs, but they are good for dusk-running visibility and who has shame anymore anyway?), and so now these coral highlighters were festooned with large streaks of dark shit-coloured mud, and two knee patches of dirt mixed with obvious growing blood stains 3) my hands were bleeding in various small places too 4) ... and then the mosquitos noticed that blood. and suddenly i was *wreathed* in mosquitos, and i felt like a beekeeper who had walked over to the hive, yanked out the honey thing and then noticed he'd forgotten his special hat. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...
- so, clearly i was running home. i swatted viciously and swore some more and took off, slightly uncomfortable at the knees but otherwise, ugh, fine. i started to psych myself up for a slower run home, hoping i could get into a smooth, calm rhythm, listen to my music, and not think about my various discomforts. i was starting to get kind of thirsty and hungry too, and the sweat was stinging my eyes, but whatever. it wasn't like i was likely to run into a lot of humans...
- and then at the next intersection -- because as a friend of mine recently put it, "there is a God and He Hates Us" -- a couple quick young teenagers ran past me. and as i happened to look behind me i saw, oh, 200 teenagers were running towards, around and past me... some summer camp, perhaps? they were too young to be undergrads, and none of them were the slightest bit sweaty or disheveled (how? where were they coming from? there's no gym in that direction?) and all of them were well scrubbed and none of them had blood-peed their sweaty highlighter knees. but there was nothing to do but keep jogging along, and they just kept *swarming* around me, like speedy little highschool LOCUSTS...
- and eventually they scampered off my path (ending the Hunger Games part of my night) and i was allowed to run semi-pathetically home. a couple times i stopped to assess knee swelling (verdict: minimal), but each time the slightly alarmed looks of other pedestrians, coupled with the mosquitos yelling 'we've got a bleeder!' to all of their friends, got me running again.
a painful shower, much hydrogen peroxide and one beer later, i have determined that i ran about 10 miles in one hour 45 mins, which is pretty slow but considering the bullshit i'm not going to complain about pace. i AM however going to foam roll my left hamstring a lot, probably apply some ice to my knees before bed, and maybe retire those pants.
goddammit.
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